Something to share with...

While i'm on the way to office today, i'm listening to Light and Easy Radio station...they had a great topic to discuss it on. It's really attract my attention to listen on the topic....the topic is "how you handle your anger- anger management". There's one doctor discussing with the DJ regarding this issue..it's really a good thing to hear in the morning as i am always stuck in jam right who usually can make yourself get in angry situation...heheh...

So what i can conclude from their discussion are these:
1) When you are angry, practice this principal - STOP....LOOK and GO.
What is this all about right? Erm...the doctor said, we should 'STOP' the anger in ourselves as anger is all about your mind and body...so stop from manupulating the situation that make us angry off. Means if you are in any conversation that make you angry off, stop the conversation. Then practice the second principal 'LOOK' which mean you need to look on the matter that make you get angry..why the situation happen and think rational on it. If this still cannot be done, practice the third principal 'GO', get off from the situation or from the person that your get angry off...try to avoid from making your anger boosting to the maximum.

2) The doctor also stated that in order to reduce your anger too, keep on smiling as this will make yourself feel comfortable and happy inside and also outside.Smiling can boost up your immune system and it is also the best pain killer of all,the doctor added in their conversation.

Erm...this is just some theories to be practice right...hehe...am i able to follow this principal while i'm in anger yeah....not sure yet...but this is something good to share with all of you...just bare in mind...you can control yourself but you cannot control the situation happen around you...but sometimes i can't even control myself too...cause i'm just a normal person which have weaknesses inside...nobody is perfect...just remmember that...:) enjoy your day everybody...i'm letting my fear off but yet not 100% off cause still in fobia i guess....if anybody know how to handle this...can you share it with me...i love to know about it...:)

Fear..

Today i just could see invasion..
Feel like surrounding with unknown thing...
The heart is working so fast..
The beat is heating the body..

The mind is engraving for mercy...
From the outskirt of the shell..
Hoping for miracle to happen..
Letting me go to the grain..

The fear is conquering me..
The mind is creating stories..
Making the gravity on it's own..
I feel so unsecured...

I'm begging to me..
To let the calm come near me..
Releasing the fear..
To walk away from my way...

I'm scared and worried...

I'm scared and worried at the moment..you know what...after i went back home around 6.15 pm, i went to buy some fuel from Petronas nearby...huhh...i was just went to the cashier and on the way back from the cashier place to my car, one man give me a smile and block my way back to my car...he started talking to me...he was like harassing me for hours....huhh...OMG i just do not know how to run away from that situation...he wanted to get in the car....luckily there's pam attendant there and help me on that...i still cannot run away..when he just standing near the car...lastly, i couldn't do anything much and just give my business card to him...i am quite stupid in this...that's the only way i can get lost from that situation..huhh...firstly i feel like it is funny that this strange man is so brave to talk and ask me about something...but when he keep on pushing me with irrelevant statement and questions, this make me scared....OMG....now i need a hug....i'm so scared...waaaaaa.....how should i go to work tommorrow...waaaaaa....huhh... :(

Hujung minggu yg padat...

Aku kini lebih positif menikmati hidupku ini. Bagaimana hendak aku katakan..aku perlu melapangkan dada aku untuk semua perkara. Buat apa nak susah hati untuk benda2 remeh kan. Cam dak kecik tul aku rasa..tp tue la kadang2 biler badan penat,otak dan perasaan jd x centre. Tido pon penting gaks tau...kalo x cukup tido, badan rasa cam meragam jer...semua serba x kena.

Hujung minggu yg baru lepas nie, aku asyik pi open house jer...makan...makan...dan makan...heheh..abis ler bertambah bulat dan tembam ler...dah ler mmg dah tembam kan...hahahah...Tp aku rasa aktiviti aku padat sgt2 smp aku xder masa nak squeeze utk diri aku. Nak pi salon nak pi shopping...nak pi relax2...semua cam x sempat. Tp apa2 pon aku tetap happy...yehaa...kegembiraan itu tetap terasa walaupun penatnya cam x abis agi nie..Pg td rasa cam penatnya nak bangun pi keje...tp aku gagahi jua...keje kena keje la kan...nama pun periuk nasi yg kena dijaga...kalo x sapa ler nak kasi duit tiap2 bulan..bukan aku ada sugar daddy yg leh tanggung atau ada daddy yg betul2 leh kasi...hahaha...

Last Friday aku layan live band ngan member aku kat Alexis Bistro...layan gaks bandnya...penyanyi die power beb...suara besar..best tul. Tp pastue kitaorg kena dismiss awal coz ada mamat mana ntah pi hisap cerut kat area non smoking laks tue. Pastue kitaorg pi pusing2 kl...layan suasana malam di kl...tengok lampu2 dan life in kl at night beb..heheh. Balik agak lewat gaks la. Tido x yah ckp la mmg lewat la.

Pagi Sabtu tue aku punya ler terkejut, aku terjaga dapat msg member aku masuk hospital. Cam nak jatuh jantung aku terkejut. Dia agak kena denggi...aku nie sensitif sket kalo hospital2 nie...terkejutnya cam beruk terkejut...hehehe...camner agaknya erk...hahaha...Pastue aku nie kelam kabut bangun siap2 nak pi hospital la kan...kalo ikutkan nak smbg tido jer coz awal pagi agi ooo...tido pon baru dlm 2-3 jam jer...tp aku syg member aku nie...takut laks jd apa2 nanti...dah siap aku call balik die, die kata tengah tunggu ujian darah...suspen tul...die ckp batuk2 kuar darah...lg la aku nie suspen...tengah aku nak pergi ke hospital aku call balik die kata doktor dah kasi kuar...x kena denggi...cuma kena tonsil...bengkak teruk...lega aku rasa...so kitaorg pon jumpa la kat Steven Corner...lapo ooo..breakfast la apa agi...ari sabtu tue gaks bum best friend aku dr ipoh dtg kl...mmg berterabur jadual aku...nie pon member..yg lg satu pun member...so jaga org sakit nie jap pastue patutnya jumpa bum kat OU...tp coz ada some miscommunication, x jumpa2 gaks...sampai ler kul 12 midnight jumpa kat Rain Forest kat Sunway...badan dah cam penat sgt2..the whole day aku penuh ngan aktiviti...sementara tunggu si bum aku sempat gi open house...uruskan hal ghazal and PA system ngan ajib...ke hulu dan ke hilir...tp aku still rasa happy dikelilingi oleh org2 yg aku sayang dan diorg sayang aku...bestnya....

Hari ahad...huh...aku bangun awal gaks...kena anto bum balik....member die jemput kat area titiwangsa katanya....mmg aku x cukup tido la ujung minggu nie la kan..pas pekena lunch kat ikan bakar kg. baru...anto bum kat titiwangsa...aku terus balik umah....smbg tido...penat dooo....3 hari berturut2 tido 2-3 jam jer nie...nak qada' tido...tp pastue kakak ipar aku ajak pi open house kat gombak laks...nie pun kena entertain gaks ooo...kakak ipar aku yg tersyg nie...aku minta die permission tido jap jer...mata dah cam x leh bukak doo..layan tido jap around kul 3 ptg aku siap2 pi open house laks...makan time...yehaa....hahaha...laksa ngan nasi impitnya mmg meletop beb...best doo...worth it utk pi sana...pastue smp umah dah maghrib...jln MRR2 tue jam cam hampeh...ari ahad pon jam teruk...aduih...malaih nak pikir dah...mlm semlm ajib call ajak lepak kat NZ curry house laks...aku dah mmg x larat la kan...kena laks ujan..takut kena sempot aku terpaksa menolak perlawaannya...

Itu ler aktiviti aku yg sgt padat....hahaha...nie pon cam rasa ting tong agi nie...hahaha...keje...keje...keje...hahahha

Awaken demon..

I'm on the hard road..
Really in deep pain that nobody know..
Feel like staying in the dark prison..
Where I can only see darkness inside..

The thing that i afraid off is repeating again..
I have no luck until now..
Only see the sorrow and the pathetic life of my own..
Getting worst day by day..

I'm waken up my demon..
Cause i cannot be an angel to stand still..
Now i will stay on my dark side..
Where my tears is replacing my laugh..

My sadness is replacing my joy..
No more sincere smile i guess..
Only the fake one will reveal..
I need to build the tough wall..

Cause my heart is no more there..
Only the heartless one still live..
Where do not know what is happiness means..
I'm the demon of my own now..

Silence..

Silence of the great passion..
I'm in a silent mode..
Flowing on the greatest road..
Looking at those street..

Lasting for the ancient world..
Remaining in this beautiful world..
I just do not know what is this...
Making me confuse all day..

I'm letting the pain off..
I'm giving the passion in..
But still scared the past will sustain..
Making another history of it's own..

Am I still in this dreaming world..
Still not wake up and overload with it..
The silence is making me crazy..
Experimenting all that I gain..

Now I'm just following the flow..
Breaking the wall of my own..
Letting the door open..
Cherish the silence that i own..

On the float

Floating on the float..
Lost in the deep ocean..
Throwing the desert blooming on the throat..
Flying forwards on the orchard road..

Searching for the treasure..
Finding the way of conquering the globe..
Lot's of rocks and obstacles..
The wall is tough to been thrown..

Exploring every air on it..
Making the breath feel like losing..
The great master is grooving..
And still floating on the float...

People

People walking in life..
People running in life..
There's people walk and run in..
There's people walk and run out..

Lot's of chain make it happen..
Lot's of reason make the wheel spiral..
Letting the circle to be complete..
Make the big round on the floor..

Laughing make the day full of excitement..
Enjoy every moment and seconds..
But yet life need to balance..
Excitement and sadness..

Truly beautiful philosophy to be known..
For every laugh..
There will always a tears..
The tears maybe for happiness nor the sadness..

People come and go..
Retain the memories of their own..
Left their steps behind on the shore..
Making beautiful canvas on your heart..

Chili's Grill and Bar

Crispy Chicken Tacos

My looks when my drink is too sweet...

My brother's family...i love them so much...

Me and my sweet sister in law...

Yesterday i had a big meal from Chilli's...the Crispy Chicken Tacos...hahaha..the meal is too big for me...almost two hours i've tried to finish the meal and at last i give up for the rice on it...heheh...my stomach is getting smaller i guess...cannot eat a lot already....heheh...look at the picture of me and my family in chili's and the meal that we ate...

I'm a queen now...

Hahahaha...have this big laugh in the office...can not control it anymore..i won a trophy and becoming a queen today...hahaha...so cute...receiving a gift today...so many observer and people concern about me i guess...hahaha...still cannot stop laughing and smiling...i love today...so many good things happen...

Melayu..

Adakah aku masih melayu..
Mencari jati diri seorg melayu..
Aku melayu moden kata seseorg..
Mengapa perlu kita menjadi melayu..

Adakah salah menjadi seorg melayu..
Begitu indah bangsa itu..
Begitu berbudaya melayu itu..
Penuh tata susila penuh peradaban..

Mengapa perlu malu menjadi melayu..
Melayu bangsa bertamadun dunia ini..
Gagah mempertahan tradisinya..
Kukuh kekal dengan caranya tersendiri..

Namun org melayu sendiri yg memperlekehkannya sendiri..
Takut digelar sebagai komunis di negeri sendiri..
Takut pada bayang-bayang sendiri juga..
Sentiasa mempertuankan bangsa lain dan bukannya bangsa sendiri..

Kita perlu maju ke depan..
Bukan tunggu dan lihat sahaja..
Buang semua sikap yg negatif..
Yang sering kali dikaitkan dengan seorg melayu..

Kita melayu berwibawa..
Kita melayu yang berjaya..
Kita melayu yg punya masa depan..
Kerna kita punya peluang mengubahnya semua..

Underneath the window

Looking at those glasses..
Only a transparent window can be seen..
A normal window with nothing special on it..
The transparency allow the scenery to be seen..

Underneath the window that's something on it..
Throwing those beautiful words and meaning..
Letting the flow of precious moment on it..
Diving to those sweetness and dream..

The heat may not be feel..
The cold my not be there..
Only the crafting of art making it real..
The artistic sculpture reveal..

The demon may not be bad..
The angel may not be good..
Just the matter of situation..
Making the mixture of it..

Explore the beauty underneath it..
Capture the meaning behind it..
Gasping those motion relying on it..
Understand the rhythm and lyrics beneath it..

3 months completed

Today 7/10/2008, I have completed my 3 months working in this new company. Wow...wee...how fast the time goes by...I'm still here standing still and doing my job. Incredible I'm able to stay and do this programming job...yeah...i manage to stay...hahaha...becoming the crazy and unique programmer i guess...cause programmer usually have the nerd attitude and always have the quiet mouth. But I'm the different one...the talkative and not nerd at all i guess...hahaha...interesting....ok..need to do my job now...later we continue...:)

How's my raya celebration?

Today everybody is asking me about my raya celebration. What can i said more...just okay that's the standard answer that i can give.But actually the truth is it's the worst and the sad celebration that i ever experienced. Just don't want to make others feel sympathy to me, i just answer okay.Let me write a little bit about my bad experienced.

On Monday 21/10/2008, I went home driving all the way from KL to my hometown Ipoh. I reached Ipoh early that afternoon. So what else to do right...helping my brothers to clean up the house and went to Tesco to buy some foods and other stuffs for raya celebration. Then at night, I went out with Gbum my best friend to accompany him to buy his baju raya. Then the next day, continues the raya preparation.

On the first day of raya, my brothers and my mom's went to visit abah grave and tok's one too. So only me and my sister left at home. This was the moment where we have big quarrel and argument. I am so sad at the moment, why my sister hate me so much and make me feeling like that on the Raya Day's that suppose to be a happy moment for everybody. What else i can do...i dump my face on the pillow and cry as much as i can...until my eyes turning into red...i feel like going back to KL on that moment. Luckily my car is not around...if not for sure i'll drive back to KL on the spot.What can i said...i'm just a normal person who have feeling, i feel so sad...so angry...and everything gone wrong the whole day.I feel little bit relief when went to relatives house rather than stay at home and look at my crazy sister i guess...

The second day of raya, i invite my mom's to visit our relatives in Penang...but everything was cancel when my sister want to follow too. It will be like a big war if we are in the same car right...rather than that happen, better i avoid it. Then i decide to visit my friends house in Ipoh...then i went to my sister in law house in Tapah, stay a night there. I feel so relief and peace there.

The third day, i already promise to my friend to cook spaghetti for them. So,i was rushing back from Tapah to Ipoh with my sister in laws and her children. This was another sad part i guess, when we just reach home in Ipoh, my mom's and the others want to go out and visiting other relatives. How would you feel,we just arrived at the moment and nobody bother about us and just ignore us and left us at the house without any greeting or welcoming. Oh God...why this happen to me...i've try my best to reunite the family and bring my sister in law...my nephew and my niece home and nobody ever bother about their present...oh...feel so sad and it's really hurt me and my sister so much.So, we decide to stay in hotel that night rather than facing our own family that do not welcome our present.We thought of just went back to KL that night but since my uncle is still in Penang and he really wanted to meet my sister in laws and her children, we decide to stay one night there.I feel so depress that night...feel like taking drugs...or taking any pills that can release me from all the problem. Thank god I still have friends who lend their ears to listen to my story and give good advice. I feel like i need a shoulder to cry on it.

So on the fourth raya...on Saturday, we prepare ourselves and went to my uncle house to meet him, my aunt and my cousins. We spent sometimes there dicussing about all what have happened. Then we went to my friend's house Abg Mamat Khalid open house. I feel quite happy and feel relief and also feel so welcome comparing going back to my own home.Meeting some other friends there...such as Along..Kak Nurul..Abg Lan's and his family...make me forget about all the crisis that i have gone through for the last few days...Then after that we drive back to KL. Thank god the highway is not jam...so our journey is smooth and reach KL safely.

That's the whole story for my vacation and my raya celebration. Just miss my dad's so much that moment and also now. If he is still alive, those situation won't be happened.If i think about that so much, i think i will be crazy and doing all the bad things i guess...just want to ignore everything at the moment and feel relief from all of this...coz it's really burden my feeling and heart so much...i write this up not to have any sympathy from anyone...just to release my burden by writing it up...

Challenge of life...

I have bad experience..
I have bad moment...
I have bad mood...
I have all the bad thing happen...

I feel like crying...
I feel so lonely...
I felt so empty...
I feel like dying...

What a terrible moment in life..
What a worst situation to be remember...
No smile and laughter left behind...
Just tears and sadness ever there for me...

That's make me wonders..
Should i make my life that misery..
Should i stay in sadness mode all the time...
Crying every night before i sleep...

Everything happen in life with a reason..
The bad thing make you stronger...
Make your thinking matured...
Make your life full of adventure...

What a bored life if everything is monotonous..
Nothing challenging happen to your life...
Nothing ever dare you for new thinking...
Nothing special that can make you remember all the time...

So i need to feel free of this...
Should bless my life so much...
Cause i have fluctuation moment in life...
That make my brain and my heart utilizing it to the max...

Hoping for all the sweetness for me...
Hoping for happiness again...
Hoping for my true smile and laughter again...
So that i can reveal the truth of me..

No more smile outside...
But sadness in side...
No more laughter shown...
But crying deep through it...